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Let’s Stop Blaming Mom


Denise Lee • May 11, 2019
Lighted Bonfire — St. Louis, MO — Clear Spaces

Photo by Daiga Ellaby on Unsplash

Occasionally I work with someone who tells me that they are disorganized because their mom was disorganized. Occasionally I work with someone who tells me that they are disorganized because their mom was so organized it was frightening.


Let’s stop blaming mom.


Let’s focus on what you can do. It’s your choices and your action that will make a difference in your life and your environment. Look beyond the frustration and shame of disorganization because those emotions by themselves will not change anything; in fact, they can stall you. 


When I start working with clients I give them a small binder of information about how we will work together. On one of the pages is this quote:


“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein


If you want change in your life, you will need to think differently. You will need to choose and act differently than you do today. But how do you do that?


On their first camping trip with our troop, young scouts will typically light a piece of newspaper and hold it against a big stick with the hope that it will get a big campfire going. When the fire fails to grow, the young scouts often feel a little dejected until an older scout steps in and shows them how it’s done. The newspaper is lit and held against the tiniest of sticks and dried grass – tinder. After a flame erupts, tiny sticks are slowly added and gradually the size of the fuel is increased. Eventually a full-fledged campfire is burning.


Help brings a fresh perspective. What’s working can be acknowledged. What’s not working can be identified so the process can be changed. The change starts small and builds gradually.


Maybe you didn’t come into adulthood with the organizing skills you thought you should have had. Blaming mom isn’t going to make you more organized and it’s guaranteed to perpetuate your unhappiness. Get help to look at what is working for you and use that “tinder” to gradually build the skills you want to have. And maybe thank mom for the “tinder” while you’re at it.

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Truth be told, I’m a bit of a weather fanatic. When the weather turns ugly, I can often be found checking weather apps and watching the local weather reports. Part of my keen interest is due to scientific curiosity. The other part is due to a healthy concern for safety. As interesting as weather is, it can be very dangerous. When I meet with clients during the spring I ask them how they intend to keep themselves safe during bad weather. Spring is tornado season in the Midwest, and it’s not a question of “if” a bad storm comes, It’s a question of “when.” There are several things we check for in preparing for storms. There is an uncluttered place in the basement or on the first floor to shelter. You want a space that does not have windows. If you are sheltering in the basement, make sure there is nothing heavy on the floor above you. You do not want a piano to land on you. If you are sheltering on the first floor, make sure there are as many walls as possible between you and the outside – for instance, a closet in the middle of the first floor. You can get to the designated shelter easily. The path to the shelter should be uncluttered. If you are recovering from clutter, you may want to consider putting painters’ tape on the floor to mark a 3-foot path to the shelter. Remove all clutter from that path and keep that path clear. If your shelter is in the basement, make sure the stairs are clear. When moving quickly to escape a storm, you may not be as sure-footed as you normally are. Items on the stairs can become especially dangerous under those circumstances. If using the stairs is difficult for you, consider creating a shelter on the first floor. You may not have time to use the stairs. Protect yourself from airborne debris, which is the cause of most injuries from a tornado. Have pillows, blankets, or sleeping bags at hand in the shelter. Wrapping yourself up can help protect you from flying debris. I have heard of people putting a mattress over themselves, but most of my clients cannot maneuver a mattress off the bed and carry it to the shelter. Do the best you can with what you have. You should absolutely wear shoes. If there isn’t time to put them on before you go to the shelter, grab them on your way. A bike helmet could be a handy thing to have. Have a first-aid kit too in case someone does get hurt. Count on the power going out. You will need flashlights and battery-operated lanterns. It’s not unusual for power to go out before you need to move to the shelter, so it’s a good idea to have a flashlight in every room. Avoid candles and lanterns that use a flame. If a gas leak results from the storm, a spark can cause an explosion. Have a battery-operated weather-band radio in the shelter so you can get updates. A backup battery for your phone is nice to have too. Some radios have a power bank built in for your electronics, like this one: http://tinyurl.com/y4c8ryc9 . If you live with someone who is deaf, you may want to invest in a weather radio with strobe light notification, like this one: http://tinyurl.com/y3rk6er8 . Keep your pets under control. You may want to put your small pets in a carrier and larger pets on a leash. When pets are scared – and storms are pretty scary – do not count on them to be their normally well-behaved selves. Keep informed. Keep your radio on and check the news apps on your phone. Tornados aren’t the only destructive storms. High winds can uproot trees and bring them down on powerlines, houses and cars. Hail can wreak incredible damage too. Be prepared. Set up your storm shelter now. Declutter your path now. A few minutes of work can make the difference in how you are affected by a storm.
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